my first tropical storm

sitting here listening to bonnie letting it all out. in a strange way i envy her. here i am blinking back tears which in return creates this throbbing in my temples. i wonder if it is better to just let it all out. society tells me different. your a beautiful young white female. how can you have any problems. how can i. have i done this to myself. have i went so far off the path that i can no longer return. who decides. who lives and who dies. the answer to that, lies, in the future, presented, in front of my eyes.